I am fully aware that progress does not travel upward in a vertical line. However, when my progress seems stuck in "park", the heavy millstone leaning on my heart hurts.........a lot. I thought quite a bit about where I wanted to end up with my blog. It, however, is only a cerebral construct right now. I feel stuck between thinking about what I want to achieve, how I want to feel, and the visceral distress that thumps in my chest. My heart beats unevenly and at times my breathing is disturbingly uneven. Stress is part of everyday life. I have to be patient. I have to let the process work. I have to have faith that letting my son go with love will help me. And perhaps, it can even help him. Walking on eggshells to avoid his unflattering image of me are not the answer. Even though I can reason it out in my head and give it clear and impressive oratory, it is not in my everyday functioning..........yet.
I will abbreviate this post as writing about being stuck is as difficult as incarceration. I know, however, that I am also my jailer. I have to keys. I just don't know when I will free me........
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